31 When important feelings remain unexpressed, you may experience a loss of self-esteem, wondering why you don't stick up for yourself. You deprive your colleagues, friends, and family members of the opportunity to learn and to change in response to your feelings. And, perhaps most damagingly, you hurt the relationship. By keeping your feelings out of the relationship you are keeping an important part of yourself out of the relationship.

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project in Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

QUESTIONS FOR THOUGHT OR DISCUSSION:
In which of my relationships do I express my feelings? In which relationships do I keep my feelings hidden? Do the people I work with know how I feel about important issues? Do the individuals I work with know where they stand with me? How can I move our work forward by expressing my feelings more fully?

32 Perfect is perfectly dead.

Marion Woodman, Canadian Jungian analyst and author

QUESTIONS FOR THOUGHT OR DISCUSSION:
In what aspects of my life and work do I try to be perfect? What deadening effect does this have on my family, my colleagues, my work, and me? What is the fear that fuels my perfectionism? How can I shift from perfectionism to excellence that is fuelled by character?

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33 In order to experience peace instead of conflict, it is necessary to shift our perception. Instead of seeing others as attacking us, we can see them as fearful.

Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., from Love is Letting Go of Fear

QUESTIONS FOR THOUGHT OR DISCUSSION:
By whom do I feel attacked? Am I able to see the fear behind the attack? What fears cause me to attack others? Can I find compassion for myself and for others in these circumstances?

34 If you're focused on scoring points and feeling like you've won, you're inevitably going to aim for the other side to lose. But it's easy to score points and hard to solve problems. You'll resolve a conflict only when the needs of both sides are addressed.

Ambassador Dennis Ross, Director of the Washington Institute for Near East Policy, quoted in O: The Oprah Magazine, March 2003

QUESTIONS FOR THOUGHT OR DISCUSSION:
Where am I trying to win, rather than to find mutually acceptable solutions? How can I adopt a win/win attitude when things get tough?

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